Love for Self

I am a very judgmental person, and so when I walk along the street I see this threatening looking guy with a pitbull dog and I think… or I walk behind a very over weight girl that looks like she couldn’t find her jeans and grabbed her little sisters because she was in a hurry, and I think… or I talk to a guy in the store that clearly has no education and don’t know what he’s on about and I think… constantly these thoughts coming up when I see people. But at this stage I know that these are not my thoughts. They are clouds that come and go. I did not make an effort to arrive at them or make a logical deduction. They are simple thoughts like: “is this green or turquoise? Good or bad? Beautiful or ugly?” So, I instead of trying to stop them which I can’t or being hard on myself, I apologize. To myself. I say; “I am so sorry about these horrible thoughts that you have to bear, such rubbish. I know it is so hard to have them go through you. Whoever sends them, please be tolerant with them. Please forgive them for this ungraciousness.”

And then the magic. I suddenly feel a love replace these thoughts. Because there is recognition of the suffering I am enduring. A warmth flow through me. I taste it and realise it is a love. And when all these people see this love in my eyes, and don’t react like they usually do. And I realise that the harsh thoughts are on me and not them. I do not allow them to be them, because I am so hard on myself. If I must do all the hard stuff then so should they. So, loving my self is also to forgive myself. You are a good person through and through and you deserve love. Love directed at yourself. I am one with them. There is not separation. Feeling love for me is feeling love for them.

And now when I see someone unaware they have ice-cream on their chin I skip the middle and go straight to the warmness in my chest. And there is quite in my mind.

And this reversal is to be found several other places in the mind, that ends with love of self. Focus is on the external world when it is really in yourself the white stone is hidden.

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Letting go of Buddhism

At the end of the road you will find your self in the boat that has been dragged onto the shore, hesitant to leave it.

It has been your loyal companion and home for so long. I am of course talking about the boat that was to bring you to the other side. Buddhism.

When reaching some level of enlightenment and understanding you naturally become deeply grateful for what Buddhism has brought to your life.

And there are many places in the literature that warns of getting attached to the boat. At the end you must let go of Buddhism as well, to fully become a Buddhist.

It is like the famous painting of a pipe, where the plague below says “this is not a pipe”, and people may look confounded because to them it looks like a pipe, even though it is a painting.

And so, we must not confuse being a Buddhist with Buddhism. Buddhism being the vehicle and not the state.

Finding your self in that boat-on-shore situation you can turn to U.G. Krishnamurti. He will dispel any such attachments at once.

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Buddhist Holidays and Festivals

Buddhist year 2561 is the year 2018 in the calendar based on the birth of Jesus.

Buddhism celebrates many holidays and festivals, most of which commemorate important events in the life of the Buddha or various Bodhisattvas. The date of the holidays are based on the lunar calendar and often differ by country and tradition.

Buddhist holidays are joyful occasions. A festival day normally begins with a visit to the local temple, where one offers food or other items to the monks and listens to a Dharma talk. The afternoon might consist of distributing food to the poor to earn merit, circumambulating (walking around) the temple three times in honor of the Three Jewels, chanting and meditation.

Some of the most important Buddhist holidays and festivals are briefly outlined below.

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The fabric of persona

A psychotherapist once said to me that the human fabric was very tough. That it took so much to change a behavior. Even if the person he was trying to help wished for it ever so much.

In Buddhist circles, there is often talk about how much work one has to do before reaching enlightenment, or awakening. A few teaches ventures to say that there is no work involved at all, that you can become wise in a brief moment. What are you waiting for?

There is a reluctance to change. And so there is.

This reluctance is preventing you from change. It is a firmness that you think makes you the person you are. A fear that if you let go and change some ideas that you would unravel, become unattractive, lose your job, lose friends and so on.

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Depression is a function – not a sickness

Depression is a function, not a sickness.

It is a mechanism to drive you home. It is like hunger – it is manifested in the physical. It’s not just an idea or thought. It’s more than that.

Look back to the time of cavemen. What is preventing them from riding of into the sunset and never returning? Depression is a severe form of home sickness.

But in modern society home has been redefined. And you can get the feeling of not being home even though you are at home.

To get rid of the depression you must find a way home in your head.

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What is fear?

Lets try to break it down a little.

There are 24 negative emotions of the heart. Anger (Krodha), Confinement (Upanah), Hypocrisy (Mrikshapradana), Envy or Jealousy (Irshya), Malice (Matsarya) and so forth.

If you look deeply you see that they all have the same nature. Their fabric is fear.

All fear is in egoic mind, there are no lions or wolfs where you and I live.

Fear is always related to the past or the future. Never to the present.

Now already the picture is clearer.

Also you are never in the present, always in the future or the past.

It would seem you are always the same place as fear. Coincidence?

On a Thursday you are running late and on your way back from work you get a flat tire, so you are late for supper. You get into a quarrel with your spouse and the kids cry. It is a “horrible” day.

Now you (mind) will try to avoid this from happening ever again. It will start looking for similarities to give you an early warning. Any given moment it will inquire if this could lead to the same bad situation. If it does you will feel fear arise in any of the 24 forms depending on the type if threat. We are much evolved in this regard.

But this is not the end of it. As we become older and more seasoned we will eventually start fabricating measures. We tire of looking for early signs instead we try to navigate so we can feel save without looking.

And in this trying to prevent you from future sorrows YOU are born.

This is why Krishnamurti wrote “Fear IS you. You ARE fear”.

If you look you will see that faith is the antidote to fear.

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The pledge

These (judgmental) thoughts arise in my conscious awareness.

I did not invite them or create them.

They are the past karma of the human race.

I shall endeavour to give them the love they craved when they were born long time ago.

They shall come to rest in me, and not pas on to the next generation through me.

I shall make room for them in my heart.

I wow to not hate them or hold any aversion towards them.

I can release my self from their suffering by granting them unlimited love in my heart.

I pledge to melt this iceberg of uncried tears.

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Look not into the past

You will find no answers to your ailment in the past.

Only in the now can you see what ails you. It almost always has to do with experiences in the past. But only by looking at the now, at the result can you understand or find peace or compassion.
The suffering has often permuted many times, so if you look from the past you will never see the relation. Only looking from the now can you see the resulting form. Only seeing the form clearly do you know what must be done.

You are walking down the street and you see a man under a street lamp looking for something. So you offer to help him look. After a while still not having found the item you ask him where exactly he lost it. And he says that he lost it in the street one block over. You are flabbergasted at this, and ask why you are look here when he has lost the item in another street. He answers; “well this was the only place that had a street lamp so you could see anything”.

It is like that looking into the past. You got it the wrong way round. You must look deeply into the heart instead.

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Emotions

If you look really hard you’ll see there is only two emotions. Fear and Joy.

 

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How to love myself?

Love has three stages.

First you have to learn to love yourself, because only if you love yourself can you love the other. You have to love yourself so much that love starts overflowing. Perhaps that is where you are; you need the other. That is the second stage of love.

Loving the other is a difficult job. Loving oneself is simple. Because the other need not fit with you, need not fulfill your expectations; the other may start power trips, ego trips, all kinds of numbers. And you will need love enough not to be dominated, not to be destroyed by the other; otherwise, the other always destroys it.

Jean-Paul Sartre is not absolutely wrong when he says the other is hell. Alone you can be silent, peaceful. With the other everything becomes difficult, everything becomes a conflict. The very presence of the other makes demands on you. You have to be very compassionate, very kind, not to get caught into an intimate enmity; otherwise the other is going to become a hell to you.

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